Welcome to Neopolitan

Where to start…

The Urban Dictionary defines Flaming Jackass as:

 A really huge dumbass. Who pisses someone off so bad that they scream: 
"Oh my god, you're a Flaming Jackass!"  
"Why'd you throw the ball at me? I wasn't looking, you Flaming Jackass!"

Flaming Jackass is also the name of the first novel in a series called Tales From Neopolitan

Flaming Jackass, the novel started out as a comic called…Strangely enough, Flaming Jackass Pizza. This comic which first appeared in 1996 in the the pages of a  magazine called Splunge Comix,  a Humor magazine aimed at Gen Xers. The story followed the fucked up life of a 21 year-old girl who I loosely based on a friend of mine I knew when I lived in Atlanta Georgia back in the 90s. Back then, her life was so chaotic, full of drugs sex and punk rock n' roll,  that I knew I had to get her shitty life on paper and imagine what her life would be like in situations I would create. The situation I created for Erin, is that she is in love with a handsome boy named Kevin Goldberg, who she has 0.2% chances with, in spite of her friends telling her what a dumb-ass she is. On top of that, Erin lives in the boring-ass burbs of the fictional town of Neopolitan and believes that life would be perfect if only she could move to the good part of town and date Kevin. An armchair psychiatric would say she suffers from perfectionism, but I  say she's an optimistic, dumb-ass. And I only mean that because I'm sure you've had a friend you've cared for and wants to see  succeed. 

An original panel from the comic book version of Flaming Jackass.

Adding color to the novel are at least 180 characters. That's fuck'n right, 180!  I filled the town of Neopolitan with characters based on the many people I've seen and known over the years (a lot I hope are dead). Sometimes these are friends and colleges of Erin's and sometimes it's a person who barely makes an appearance.  Any characters Erin deals with, I could probably tell you about them, what their background is and when the last time they  took a shit. I believe when you read a novel or see a movie, every damn character should be able to have their own novel or movie. Otherwise they're just a bunch of zombies for the main character to bounce shit off of. The town of Neopolitan has about 1 million people in it and I'm not going to write a bio on all of them. But, in this blog I will focus on some of the major ones in the story.

Let's start with the main character: 

 

Erin

Name: Erin Patricia Pierce
Age: 21
Height: 5,5
Job: Works as a floater at F.J. Pizza Parlor aka, The Flaming Jackass.
Lives in Riverview, South Neopolitan. 

Personality: As I've mentioned earlier, Erin is a bit of a perfectionist and because of this usually doesn't settle for anything less than that. This leads her to sabotage her happiness, sometimes resulting in a lot of personal bridge burning. Erin was originally from New Jersey where she spent part of her teen years. When her parents divorced, she became a juvenile delinquent and had had a run-in with the law (despite the fact that her dad is a policeman). 
When her parent divorced, she moved to Neopolitan to live with her mom, where she lives at the beginning of our story.

Erin is a a pain-in-the ass, stubborn,  foul mouthed, chain smoker who experiments with any drug except the ones that kill rock stars (unless it's free).  She also masturbates too much, but then again there's nothing really wrong with that one.

Erin, at her  best.

 
Erin is also very loyal, funny, usually a hard worker when there is incentive, friendly (to those that aren't yuppies or frat boys) and can surprisingly  be smart at times.  She has an artistic side, appreciates obscure films and is good at making her own  jewelry. 

A year before the story started, Erin traveled to Europe and this made a big impact on her.  She was also dumped by her boyfriend at the time, Peter, over the phone, while she waited for him to show up at the airport for their trip. This event, along with the parents divorce,  pretty much scarred her for life  and leads to a lot of stupid decisions and misadventures throughout the book.

Here is an excerpt from the novel version to compare it to the comic presented on this page:

    "Erin parked in front of the apartment and took a deep breath. This was it. She wished she had some coke to boost her confidence right now. She settled instead on a breath mint, pretending it was a magical confidence booster. She hopped up the walkway carrying the pizza with one hand. She had made it herself. She wanted it to be completely perfect, from the extra Canadian bacon to the well-placed Portebello mushrooms. She took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. She tried to think of what to say and how to say it. She twisted her dreads. Everything had to be in place. The door opened. It was Kevin. She had forgotten how pretty his eyes were, or how tall he was. Her heart sank into her stomach. She wondered how she could have ever stopped chasing him. He was wearing a tank top and sweat pants. It appeared as if he had just got out of bed. That struck Erin as weird, because it was at least five o’clock.
    “What’s up?” His voice sounding like harp strings to Erin.
    “Er, ah...hi, Kevin.” She said it as if big hearts covered in sugar floated around her words.
    “Uh, what was your name?”
    “Erin!” she almost yelled. She handed him the pizza. She sighed and wished she had put her phone number on the box.
    “Erin. Twelve ninety-five, right?” He picked a ten and a five from an end table and handed it to her. In the process, his thumb touched hers. Erin’s head almost exploded from the over stimulation. She sighed. She stood at the doorway.
    Kevin wondered what she was waiting on. He had included her tip already. He backed away to give her the hint that the transaction was over. She didn’t move..."

Next blog: The town of Neopolitan!


A..James